Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The Day When It All Imploded

Emmm.. I need to write. No doubt about it. But to be honest, I don't know where to begin. So maybe long story short: No go on the community product development. I'm super confused and frustrated. Not happy - or maybe partially happy. Augh... ok...I'll just go on and explain.

Turns out that the products suck (the trails and artisan workshops) because there is really no clear market demand for it, and the boss people dont want to take the risk to embark on this now given this. Especially given that it would involve a lot of time that honestly we dont have...
Also because we would like to embark on another thing... helping the Cluster become a steady and productive organization - which is really where my interest and expertise lie.

So from my part... this is something I should be thrilled about. Don't get me wrong... I am. BUT (and this is a big BUT). The situation I am in right now is kind of sucky.

I have to go to the communities and tell them that this isnt going to happen right now (community expectations get so high so quick, that just after 1 meeting I am going to have to do major damage control). This is the reason why I really didnt want to hold a community meeting last week - but the Cluster person I am working with (who is awesome by the way) organized it and sucked me into it. She was really pushing the project real quick when I was trying to be cautious and wait for full approval from "boss people". I should have been stronger at that point - and rationalized it more.

Well, and the other thing is that I have been asking for a response from "boss peoples" for such a long time now... and while we have had conversations about the subject (a couple) I was never told not to move forward. So I kept trying to figure things out and do whatever was in my power so that when we needed to get working on setting this up in a short time- at least we would have some backing and some stuff done. And now- 3/4 into the game -I am told no -go.

Additionally, this requires facing the Cluster - OOF. Well it essentially means telling them that their idea sucks, that we cant help them with what they asked us to help with and that we have another way to help them which we think is better. Mind you, there is background story to this all, as the Cluster is not too thrilled about some things.

And who is the face to this all? ME.

So I am definitely feeling good that some awesome opportunities are in front of me, and that the confidence has been given to me to address this appropriately... but at the same time... this all sucks. Once we pass this stage of facing up to a big boo-boo (don't get me wrong - I'm taking responsibility for a lot of it!), it will be good. But...I am wanting to hide in a cave right now. (OOO... I have a cave! It's one of the sucky products!!! Isnt that convenient?). And I dont even know if it is a boo-boo or it is jus a better approach to things. I think a little of both.

In summary, I feel like I wasnt given some support I needed at crutial times when I asked for it, I also feel I was pressured by the Cluster to take some steps I should not have taken, and finally, I am more than anything dissapointed at myself for letting all this happen. I should not have let the community expectations run high, I should not have moved forward as confidently as I did, and I should have thought things a little more carefully. I feel like a rookie. And this is definitely a rookie move I just pulled here. I hope to learn from this. I think I already did. I hope tomorrow goes well and I can present all this coherently both to the Cluster and community. I think the latter will be a longer process.

Hasta Luego... me despido con Presidente en mano (cerveza). Hopefully I can get some sleep tonight and be ready for what is ahead of me tomorrow.

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